whyyoushould/not/trust/squirrels

  

by jonathan
Why you should not trust squirrels
by mad

Twirl a Squirrel: by jonathan
Why you should not trust squirrels
by jonathan

Drunk squirrel by jonathan
Why you should not trust squirrels
by jonathan
Why you should not trust squirrels
by bmattb
Why you should not trust squirrels
by jonathan
Why you should not trust squirrels
by jonathan
Why you should not trust squirrels
by jonathan
  1. They are squirrelly by anonymous
  2. They will force down your plane (link) by anonymous
  3. They are just rats with good PR by anonymous
  4. They killed off their red-furred brethren! by anonymous
  5. They are cunning prey...and taste de-lish! by anonymous
  6. They will attack you in Queen's Park. It's probably not their fault though; the Psych-kids probably experiment on them. by anonymous
  7. The ones in North York are feisty - in a horrible, terrible sort of way by anonymous
  8. One climbed up to my window - in my 21st floor apartment by anonymous
  9. You'll know why when you look one straight in the eye by anonymous
  10. They're not hibernating in February. by anonymous
  11. They look cute and fuzzy, but their fur is actually made out of fine razor blades by anonymous
  12. They hide all kinds of wacky stuff in trees...you never know what they've got by anonymous
  13. They're downright diabolical by kat
  14. They talk in high-pitched voices by jonathan
  15. One winked at me once - in an I'm-up-to-no-good sort of way by Ballantine
  16. One winked at my g/f in an I'm-up-to-no-good sort of way. by keebler
  17. You never know when one might mistake your toe for a peanut by Ballantine
  18. They have a gestation period of 33 days. If they wanted to, they could create the most terrifying army ever to walk the earth. by Ballantine
  19. Scientists have discovered massive underground burrows where they are plotting their overthrow of our society by jonathan
  20. Those suckers can throw a punch. by Ballantine
  21. They are tiny balls of rage by jonathan
  22. One came at me with a knife once. Luckily, I fended him off with a lead pipe, but it was still really scary! by jonathan
  23. They will lick peanutbutter off anything...ANYTHING by jonathan
  24. They claws are razer-sharp! by jonathan
  25. If you listen to their chirps backwards, they say "Kill the humans, kill them" by jonathan
  26. They will eat a manwich by jonathan
  27. Their voices sound like squeeks, but they are actually communicating their plans for world domination at 100 times the speed of our hearing processing by jonathan
  28. They are the only mammals that could survive a nuclear attack by jonathan
  29. They know BEDMAS, except they always want to put subtraction ahead of exponents because it will confuse the humans by jonathan
  30. They invented their own laws of gravity by jonathan
  31. They can read the expressions on their own squirrelly faces, so human expressions are an open book to them by jonathan
  32. They have often planned the assasination of U.S. presidents, but have so far been thwarted...except once by jonathan
  33. Squirrels are the real reason the U.S. went to Iraq by jonathan
  34. They are hiding Ben Laden by jonathan
  35. They are a 51% shareholder of Fox News by jonathan
  36. They are wicked dancers by jonathan
  37. They look fantastic in togas by jonathan
  38. They don't trust The Man by jonathan
  39. They are responsible for the rise in greenhouse gases by jonathan
  40. They are responsible for bananas going extinct by jonathan
  41. They are irresponsible by jonathan
  42. They don't believe in monogamy by jonathan
  43. They have an irrespressible sex drive by jonathan
  44. They can fit into tiny spaces by jonathan
  45. They once beat Deep Blue at chess by jonathan
  46. The army now makes cammoflague in squirrel sizes by jonathan
  47. They can drink you under the table; even the women squirrels by jonathan
  48. They prefer to be called Land Hawks...or Fred by jonathan
  49. All girl squirrels are trained in tae-kwon-do by jonathan
  50. They actually hate nuts, but collect them for weapon-purposes by jonathan
  51. They are the boogie-man by jonathan
  52. Chuck Norris has recently been seen wearing squirrel pajamas by jonathan
  53. They wrote the screenplay to Waterworld by jonathan
  54. They don't cover their mouth when they cough by jonathan
  55. They are firm believers in DRM by jonathan
  56. They write romance novels under the pen name Mrs. Bigglesworth Botman by jonathan
  57. They make a mean Baked Alaska by jonathan
  58. They don't order the Quarter Chicken Dinner at Swiss Chalet. *EVERYONE* orders the Quarter Chicken Dinner! by jonathan
  59. They will use the last of the toilet-paper, and not replace it. Bastards! by jonathan
  60. They killed J.R...maybe, I really am too young to get the reference. by jonathan
  61. They're always bright-eyed and bushy tailed by jonathan
  62. They smell like cheese by jonathan
  63. ....or rather cheese smells like them by jonathan
  64. Whenever you feel like someone's watching you, that's them by jonathan
  65. Their body-hair is naturally fluffy, but every single squirrel is shaved by a guy named Gus who flies around the world ever 72 hours with a tiny set of clippers by jonathan
  66. (link) by fuzzz
  67. Poor little guy ;) (link) by jonathan
  68. They ate my lunch. by Harrison
  69. They have remarkably good poker faces by megan
  70. 'Cuz they go, "Sha la la LAH la la la LAH LAH.." by megan
  71. You're the man now squirrel (link) by jonathan
  72. Dear God! They are arming themselves now (link) by bmattb
  73. Lightsaber duels by jonathan
  74. They stole my sammich!!! by Faro0
  75. Because one time I went camping and I was feeding Cherries to the chipmunks (hey I was like 10) and the squirrels came and stole the cherries from the chipmunks and then threw the pits at my head. And I really didn't make that up. by Nick
  76. They steal hubcaps. by bunkercitizen
  77. They cheat at cribbage. by bunkercitizen
  78. Two thirds of the Health Care Reform bill was written by them, for them. by bunkercitizen
  79. They practice illegal Jedi Mind Tricks. Which have never worked on m.... SQRK! SQRK! CHAATTTTTERRCHATTERCHATTER!!! ACK! ACK! by bunkercitizen
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