Shatnerisms

by jonathan

by Stephan

Denny Crane by jonathan

Denny Crane Reloaded by jonathan

"Whose your daddy?" by jonathan

by jason

by EmmaB

"Chubby sex" by jonathan
"I have an erection. That's a good sign. I'm ready to go to trial. Lock and load. " by jonathan
[Denny pulls the rope and Alan falls on top of him. They lie there, face to face] "This isn't working for me." by jonathan
"You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane." " by jonathan
"Massachusetts is a blue state. God has no place here." by jonathan
[walking in on Alan Shore and Shirley Schmidt in the men's room] If she tries to pee standing up, come get me. [after closing the door to the stall] by jonathan
[several lawyers from the firm are squeezing past a throng of reporters] Denny Crane, Trix are for Kids... Denny Crane, coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs. by jonathan
It's a good feeling, you know, to shoot a bad guy. Something you Democrats would never understand. Americans... we're homesteaders, we want a safe home, keep the money we make, and shoot bad guys. by jonathan
Did something happen? Was I in the room when it happened? by jonathan
I can act... I have an Emmy. by jonathan
[to Alan about the riot on television] 100 women there, and you didn't invite me. That's 200 breasts! And you kept them all to yourself. by jonathan
Now, Alan, if all else fails and you think you've lost... pretend you've won! Works for our president. by jonathan
You... Democrat! Protesting war and banning guns. If you Nancys had your way, nobody would ever shoot anybody! And then where would we be?" by jonathan
''She's got Denny Crane written all over her.'' by jonathan
''Well I have nothing against marriage. I've done it five times. But here's the thing about wives, they don't let you play with your friends.'' by jonathan
''Who are we overbilling? Medicare or senior citizens?'' by jonathan
''Thing is, I like you. Actually, I love you. That's a difficult thing for Denny Crane to say. Unless it's part of foreplay.'' by jonathan
''I got the mad cow. And my penis only works on medication.'' by jonathan
"Denny Crane, Denny Crane, Denny Crane" by jonathan
''We're talking juries. It always comes down to simple. And, I mean, there's nobody simpler than me.'' by jonathan
''It's a holly jolly Christmas. It's the best...It's the best... it's the...oh, screw it.'' by jonathan
''I'd just like to say that most of us begin life suckling on a breast. If we're lucky we end life suckling on a breast. So anybody who's against breasts is against life itself. Denny Crane.'' by jonathan
''I'm not worried, Lori. Do I look worried? Yeah. Look out there. My domain. My city. I'm Denny Crane.'' by jonathan
''Dream case. Isn't it? High profile. Splashy. Big closing. Get the not guilty. Have sex with the client. It's all there.'' by jonathan
''Bored? How can I be bored? I'm Denny Crane. Even the sound of my name fascinates. More, Sydney. More about me.'' by jonathan
''Oh my God. We don't know whether he's innocent or guilty. I hate that.'' by jonathan
''Whenever I make love to a woman more than twice I have her investigated.'' by jonathan
''You look upset. I can tell these things. I'm a people person.'' by jonathan
''Of course we believe you. We even believe the part about the car being stolen. We believe it all, Ronald. That's why you pay us.'' by jonathan
''When you go out with a young girl like Sara, you have only one thing to offer, money. She can find younger, better looking guys, better lovers, guys with more interests in common. What you have is power. I actually begin my dates by putting cash right on the table.'' by jonathan
''Whatever it is, I'm innocent.'' by jonathan
''First rule of thumb in practicing law: always, always promise the client millions and millions of dollars. It's good business.'' by jonathan
''Does this make me look fat?'' by jonathan
''She is the sexiest woman on earth. Unless of course you go for preggos, in which case, it's Angelina.'' by jonathan
''Alan, you know, one thing you sometimes forget is, no matter how hard your day, no matter how tough your choices, how complex your ethical decisions -- you always get to choose what you want for lunch.'' by jonathan
''A man arrested for defending his own house. It's a farce. Not the funny kind. This is one serious farce.'' by jonathan
''It's a good feeling, you know, to shoot a bad guy. Something you Democrats would never understand. Americans. We're homesteaders, we want a safe home, keep the money we make, and shoot bad guys.'' by jonathan
''She said she wanted to fulfill every single one of my fantasies. I made a list. Had to type it myself. My assistant threatened to quit.'' by jonathan
''May I express a thought? I so rarely get one.'' by jonathan
"There you go again. Always looking for a point" by jonathan
"You know what I'm going to do, just to show you there are no hard feelings? I'm going to sleep with your wife." by Stephan
Bethany, if I sometimes come off as insensitive, it’s because I—I—I got a lot to deal with. I got the, uh — Mad Cow. I date a midget. I was in love with a midget’s mother. It’s not easy being me. by EmmaB
Rehab! I said something bad about the Jews, I don't know what but Bethany has left me over it. Anyway, I recognise that I have issues I need to examine within my soul. I'm getting treatment and, with the help of family and friends I shall make a full recovery. by EmmaB
I'd just like to say that most of us begin life suckling on a breast. If we're lucky we end life suckling on a breast. So anybody who's against breasts is against life itself. by EmmaB
Beautiful woman, Glenn Close. Always meant to have sex with her. by EmmaB
If it matters to Bev, then I, Denny Crane, have to pretend that it matters to me. by EmmaB
It's got everything. Sex. Politics. Everything but one key ingredient. Denny Crane. I'm in. by EmmaB
Sally. May I offer you one little piece of advice?...The advice is be on the ware of lecherous senior partners who are looking for the slightest excuse to plant a big wet one on you. by EmmaB
I'm an ex-Marine! I was a trained sniper. Or was it a pilot? by EmmaB
I'm so far up the ass of big business, I view the world as one giant colon. by EmmaB
It's a stupid law. Overturn it. Be a man. by EmmaB
Bet you'd lick my shoes for a murder case. Wouldn't you kid?... Because I like you, you don't have to lick them, just dust them with your sleeve. by EmmaB
I'm the one that's lost, Alan...Empty, I should say. All my life I wanted the Red Sox to win the World Series. It was like a quest, you know? Something burning inside. And now the bastards have done it. And I feel like, I don't know, like my pilot light went out...What do we do now?...Must be awful rooting for the Yankees. by EmmaB
I misplaced a client once...I made sure to ship him off to some country with no extradition -- South America. He sends me Felice Cupleanos cards every year. by EmmaB
Denny Crane. No comment. The blind shall lead. Only in America. Denny Crane. by EmmaB
You're a douchebag. I don't do well with douchebags. by EmmaB
We hate all our clients. It's good to hate. It allows us to overcharge and still sleep at night. by EmmaB
I've often found that it's the chubby girls who offend most easily. I don't know why because I'm not a psychiatrist. For what it's worth I like chubby girls, I enjoy chubby sex. What I'm trying to say is if this is a lonely chubby's cry for help. I'm here for you Lori. by EmmaB
Here's what you need to know about the practice of law, son. It all comes down to money. I've got it. He doesn't. I'll win. Denny Crane. by EmmaB
Denny Crane is not gonna be turned off like a hair dryer. Live by the gun, die by the gun. by EmmaB
Alan, you know, one thing you sometimes forget is, no matter how hard your day, no matter how tough your choices, how complex your ethical decisions -- you always get to choose what you want for lunch. by EmmaB
I may not be the Denny Crane I once was, but until today I didn't realize that this Denny Crane might be even better. by EmmaB
I'm Denny Crane! No bigger ass. Asset! You want me at your table. by EmmaB
You would agree, Mr. Mayor, that by and large, vegetarians are communists? by EmmaB
Denny Crane! Master of the house. by EmmaB
Canada. Japan. England. Any number of those pinko countries, I'd be in jail for shooting somebody. by EmmaB
Bev is the woman I've always dreamed of. An angel in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. by EmmaB
There are two things I hoped to experience in my lifetime that I was sure I never would. The first was the Red Sox winning the World Series. Then when that happened, I thought 'By God, I should experience the other.' The other was sex with a one-legged woman. by EmmaB
Pop goes the weasel. How are you? Denny Crane. Still cuckoo for Coco Puffs. Who's your daddy? Denny Crane. Pop goes the weasel. by EmmaB
Judge. You're old. I'm old. Lock and load. Before we're dead. by EmmaB
Alan, I have trouble with this sort of subject matter...It's my father. Sometimes he wore dresses. He called it a kilt and sang all those Scottish songs, but we knew. by EmmaB
Don't waste your time trying to get in my head. There's nothing there. by EmmaB
I'm just objectifying you for pleasure. by jason
Objection badgering, no wait...she's our badger. by EmmaB
Holy crap, I shot the rabbi. by EmmaB
You don't blow up a country just because you're mad, only the United states has that privelage, God is on our side! by EmmaB
Anyone is America can grow up to be President. Except Hillary. If she wins, I'll puke. by EmmaB
Time to blow up Iran. We got Saddam...now we gotta get Amina...uh...Douchebag and that nutjob in North Korea...they've all gotta go! And not because they're not white. by EmmaB
There's no time like the present. Alan, we must seize the hookers...the day. by EmmaB
I just heard...New Orleans...my penis is already packed. by EmmaB
Denny Crane. Down on the bayou. by EmmaB
If I need a sleepover, I get priority. by EmmaB
You’re one of those environmental lawyers? They’re evildoers. Yesterday it’s a tree, tomorrow it’s a salmon, tomorrow it’s, ''Let’s not dig up Alaska for oil because it’s too pretty.'' Let me tell you something, I came out here to enjoy nature. Don't talk to me about the environment. by EmmaB
We're carnivores. When the pilgrims landed, first thing they did was eat a few Indians. by EmmaB
There are two places to find the truth. First God and then Fox News. by EmmaB
I'll have that jury eating out of my lap. by EmmaB
Gotta remember: Before I open my mouth, always look both ways for midgets. by EmmaB
I love dwarves! I was actually hoping you'd be one. by EmmaB
Ya know I used to drive a space ship! by Larry
Star Trek communicator sound byte from flipping cell phone open when about to be arrested in bathroom for soliciting. by Larry
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/collect/Shatnerisms